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The County Council proposed a new bus rapid transit system that they predict will take more than 80,000 commuters off congested County roadways.
Some on the Council were skeptical. “I don’t get it. What’s in it for developers?” asked Council member Fiona Norris.
“Every bus will be
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After years of fielding complaints that the Gifted and Talented label is unfair and discriminatory in singling out students who are a lot smarter than other students, the county has decided to eliminate the classification.
Some parents contend that students who were only Sort of Smart were being
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When asked why he wrote himself a ticket, Parking Enforcement Officer Carl H. explained, "No one is above the rules. Not even---Wait, that's MY car?"
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Pentagon officials launched an investigation after finding that hundreds of Bethesda pedestrians cross against the light, jaywalk, and ignore oncoming traffic whenever and wherever they please.
“According to our surveillance, there is absolutely no fear of mortality among citizens in the Bethes
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Why Bethesda World News?
Why another publication about a place that already gets enough attention? Because it is, truthfully, the best dang place in the country. We know you’ll like it here, too. Assuming, that is, you want to buy stuff, you have smart kids, and you’re not too fat. And for goodness sake, don’t let me see you wearing those sweat pants around here again. Anyway, we welcome you with open arms. Oh, and don’t forget to bring cash. And quarters, bring lots of quarters.
Whitman High School’s newspaper, Black & White, gives BWN a shout!
While hundreds of Bethesda residents are filing into mile-long lines for three-dollar cupcakes, fighting mercilessly over tiny parking spaces and relishing time spent buying organic groceries in Whole Foods, Paula Whyman, founder of Bethesda World News, tries to find the humor behind the whole situation.
Thanks to the area’s
Newest UnAward-Winning Humor Magazine
the BCC Lumberjack
for the Linky-Love.
They claim BWN is their inspiration. Other people who say this about us include Newt Gingrich’s hairdresser, Herman Cain’s PR department, and the entire corn dog manufacturing industry. We could hardly be more pleased.
New: MONTGOMERY COUNTY GOVERNMENT Cites
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07.21.2010 | Culture | Editor
The mothers of two Bar Mitzvah boys had to “take the discussion outside” before the shared Torah service began at Temple Shalom on Saturday. The Grossworts demanded the Chertkinoffs pretend not to be there, but just pay for everything. After the Chertkinoffs refused to bow out of their own s
10.10.2011 | Culture | Editor
Current spokesman, "Davy Crockett": "We’re going to sit here for as long as it takes to figure out what, exactly, we want."
09.30.2011 | Culture | Editor
In a move to transform Back-to-School night into a low-stress evening of fun social interaction, Montgomery County public school administrators have replaced it with Fiesta Night. Instead of viewing boring PowerPoints about curricula, schedules, and rules, parents will be encouraged to drink margari
08.29.2011 | Education | Editor
The occasion was marked by a parade through Kensington, as county maintenance workers raised cherry-pickers and removed the offending shoes along the parade route.
Why declare a Day of Freedom for these abandoned shoes? “This is a tight budget environment,” explained Luke R., county spokesm
08.10.2011 | Culture | Editor
Presidential hopeful Michelle Bachmann has signed a pledge that if elected, she will "make sure all the fun is sucked out of Americans' lives forever."
Among other points, the pledge states that Bachmann will pretend to uphold the Constitution while also pretending the banana in her ear is a tele
07.8.2011 | Culture | Editor
County Council members were split on whether to prohibit smoking at county playgrounds to protect children from secondhand smoke inhalation. Four members voted on either side of the issue, while another member, who otherwise might have broken the tie, was in the bathroom smoking a cigarette.
To
06.29.2011 | Culture | Editor
People who came from miles around to purchase a souvenir 2011 U.S. Open Golf Tournament hat won’t be disappointed. There are 14,000 hats for sale in the U.S. Open Souvenir Pavilion at Congressional Country Club, according to Wesley Compton, pavilion manager. The pavilion is the length of a footb
06.14.2011 | Culture | Editor
Seriously, what's the big deal?
06.7.2011 | Culture | Editor
In the latest scandal involving the school attended by President Obama’s daughters, who have nothing to do with this story, but need to be mentioned in every story about Sidwell Friends School, forever and ever--and by the way, Chelsea Clinton went there, too--
What were we saying?
05.13.2011 | Education | Editor
“We were all pretty depressed about School Superintendent Jerry Weast’s impending retirement. I could hardly get out of bed in the morning,” said Board Member Frank Pierce. “We may be one of the finest school districts in the country, but you don’t get that way without doin
04.27.2011 | Education | Editor
It’s Restaurant Week in Bethesda! That means 11 out of the 2,375 restaurants in Bethesda are offering Special Menus to appeal to customers. We would have called it, “A Handful-of-Old-Hat-Restaurants-Feeling-Threatened-By-New-Competition-Would-Like-to-Remind-You-They-Exist-By-Offering-Discount
04.13.2011 | Business | Editor
Dear Editors:
I'm much too busy and successful to care what's in a smugtini. It's vodka and it's chilled and I want to see what the t-shirt looks like before I accept it.
Thankfully we will be having Smut-tinis later which involve my husband submersing his sausage and peppers in ve
04.4.2011 | Culture | Editor
After learning that a local denim store provides beer to shoppers (Bethesda Gazette, 3/30/11), nearby businesses decided to cash in on the trend. Equator Fitness now offers pre-workout Ritalin and post-workout Oxycontin to members. Boring Noble Books provides Xanax for those shopping in the busi
04.4.2011 | Business | Editor
The Walter Reed National Military Medical Center has announced that the addition of 2,500 new employees due to BRAC (Base Realignment and Closure) will result in a reduced ratio of available parking spaces on campus. Before BRAC, there was one parking space for every two employees, now there will
03.28.2011 | Culture | Editor
“Now I can go back to not paying any attention to my surroundings at all!” said Kristin Y., ordering a latte at Pain Quotidien.
“Don’t worry, be happy,” shouted Mark G., while crossing the street. “Did you say something?” He asked, pointing to his earbuds.
“The main take-
03.24.2011 | Culture | Editor
