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Snowflake Paralyzes Metro Area!

Snowflake Paralyzes Metro Area!

A single snowflake was seen landing on Wisconsin Avenue today at approximately 11:25 a.m., in the center lane across from Starbucks.  Traffic predictably came to a complete halt. A four-car pile-up occurred a mile away on Bradley Blvd., when drivers heard about the snowflake on the radio. Two mi

01.25.2013| Culture |

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EXCLUSIVE: Rare Dinosaur Fossil Found in Bruce Variety

EXCLUSIVE: Rare Dinosaur Fossil Found in Bruce Variety

Archaeologists are calling it “a breakthrough of historic proportions.” A fossilized bone found in Bruce Variety is part of the spine of the anklosaur, a rare specimen dating back to the Cretaceous Era. Acting on a tip, the archaeologists asked a cashier if it was true that the store carried

01.2.2013| Culture, Featured |

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County Voters Decisively Choose ‘Huh?’ for Question D

County Voters Decisively Choose ‘Huh?’ for Question D

According to random telephone surveys, Ballot Question D is not clearly understood by most County residents of voting age. Those surveyed were asked to choose from among the following statements the one that best describes their response to the issues raised by Question D: a. Question D is good for

10.9.2012| Culture |

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Fiesta Night to Replace Back-to-School Night as School Year Kick-Off Event

Fiesta Night to Replace Back-to-School Night as School Year Kick-Off Event

In a move to transform Back-to-School night into a low-stress evening of fun social interaction, Montgomery County public school administrators have replaced it with Fiesta Night. Instead of viewing boring PowerPoints about curricula, schedules, and rules, parents will be encouraged to drink margari

08.26.2012| Education |

1 Comment

BWN Exclusive: Sneak Peek at the New iPhone 5

The rumor mill has been churning with speculation about the changes we're likely to see in the new iPhone, which is due out either in June, September, October, November, or December of 2012; or to coincide with the upcoming solar eclipse in August of 2017; or right after you finally get tired of wai

05.15.2012| Business |

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Press Release: Introducing New Sexting Barbie!

Press Release: Introducing New Sexting Barbie!

    The Mental Toy Company announces the newest doll in the Barbie Collection:  SEXTING BARBIE Mental spokesman Ed Wick explains:  “Our research shows that children would rather play with their daddy’s iphone or ipad than a stupid old doll that just sits there and doesn

02.26.2012| Culture |

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Bar Mitzvah Moms Come to Blows Over Bagels & Lox: Solomon Called On to Make It Even

Bar Mitzvah Moms Come to Blows Over Bagels & Lox: Solomon Called On to Make It Even

The mothers of two Bar Mitzvah boys had to “take the discussion outside” before the shared Torah service began at Temple Shalom on Saturday.  The Grossworts demanded the Chertkinoffs pretend not to be there, but just pay for everything.  After the Chertkinoffs refused to bow out of their own s

10.10.2011| Culture |

1 Comment
New Bus Rapid Transit System May Ease Traffic in 2040! Cause for Celebration!

New Bus Rapid Transit System May Ease Traffic in 2040! Cause for Celebration!

The County Council proposed a new bus rapid transit system that they predict will take more than 80,000 commuters off congested County roadways. Some on the Council were skeptical.  “I don’t get it. What’s in it for developers?” asked Council member Fiona Norris. “Every bus will be

10.6.2011| Culture |

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Ragtag group of demonstrators threatens Wall Street by looking goofy

Ragtag group of demonstrators threatens Wall Street by looking goofy

Current spokesman, "Davy Crockett": "We’re going to sit here for as long as it takes to figure out what, exactly, we want."

09.30.2011| Culture |

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Council Declares Countywide “Day of Freedom for Shoes Hanging From Power Lines”

Council Declares Countywide “Day of Freedom for Shoes Hanging From Power Lines”

The occasion was marked by a parade through Kensington, as county maintenance workers raised cherry-pickers and removed the offending shoes along the parade route. Why declare a Day of Freedom for these abandoned shoes?  “This is a tight budget environment,” explained Luke R., county spokesm

08.10.2011| Culture |

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Michelle Bachmann Signs Pledge to Take Lollipops Away From Children

Michelle Bachmann Signs Pledge to Take Lollipops Away From Children

Presidential hopeful Michelle Bachmann has signed a pledge that if elected, she will "make sure all the fun is sucked out of Americans' lives forever." Among other points, the pledge states that Bachmann will pretend to uphold the Constitution while also pretending the banana in her ear is a tele

07.8.2011| Culture |

1 Comment
Council meets resistance over smoking ban on playgrounds, votes to ban children instead

Council meets resistance over smoking ban on playgrounds, votes to ban children instead

County Council members were split on whether to prohibit smoking at county playgrounds to protect children from secondhand smoke inhalation.  Four members voted on either side of the issue, while another member, who otherwise might have broken the tie, was in the bathroom smoking a cigarette. To

06.29.2011| Culture |

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US Open Souvenir Sales Boom, Planners Consider Adding Actual Golf Tournament

US Open Souvenir Sales Boom, Planners Consider Adding Actual Golf Tournament

People who came from miles around to purchase a souvenir 2011 U.S. Open Golf Tournament hat won’t be disappointed.  There are 14,000 hats for sale in the U.S. Open Souvenir Pavilion at Congressional Country Club, according to Wesley Compton, pavilion manager. The pavilion is the length of a footb

06.14.2011| Culture |

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A Shot of Our Junk

A Shot of Our Junk

Seriously, what's the big deal?

06.7.2011| Culture |

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Breaking News:  Something Bad Happened at Sidwell Friends School, and Everyone Whose kids Didn’t Get In Can’t Wait to Tell You About It!

Breaking News: Something Bad Happened at Sidwell Friends School, and Everyone Whose kids Didn’t Get In Can’t Wait to Tell You About It!

In the latest scandal involving the school attended by President Obama’s daughters, who have nothing to do with this story, but need to be mentioned in every story about Sidwell Friends School, forever and ever--and by the way, Chelsea Clinton went there, too-- What were we saying?

05.13.2011| Education |

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