A single snowflake was seen landing on Wisconsin Avenue today at approximately 11:25 a.m., in the center lane across from Starbucks. Traffic predictably came to a complete halt. A four-car pile-up occurred a mile away on Bradley Blvd., when drivers heard about the snowflake on the radio. Two mi
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Archaeologists are calling it “a breakthrough of historic proportions.” A fossilized bone found in Bruce Variety is part of the spine of the anklosaur, a rare specimen dating back to the Cretaceous Era. Acting on a tip, the archaeologists asked a cashier if it was true that the store carried
01.2.2013| Culture, Featured | Editor
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According to random telephone surveys, Ballot Question D is not clearly understood by most County residents of voting age. Those surveyed were asked to choose from among the following statements the one that best describes their response to the issues raised by Question D: a. Question D is good for
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The Mental Toy Company announces the newest doll in the Barbie Collection: SEXTING BARBIE Mental spokesman Ed Wick explains: “Our research shows that children would rather play with their daddy’s iphone or ipad than a stupid old doll that just sits there and doesn
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The mothers of two Bar Mitzvah boys had to “take the discussion outside” before the shared Torah service began at Temple Shalom on Saturday. The Grossworts demanded the Chertkinoffs pretend not to be there, but just pay for everything. After the Chertkinoffs refused to bow out of their own s
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The County Council proposed a new bus rapid transit system that they predict will take more than 80,000 commuters off congested County roadways. Some on the Council were skeptical. “I don’t get it. What’s in it for developers?” asked Council member Fiona Norris. “Every bus will be
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Current spokesman, "Davy Crockett": "We’re going to sit here for as long as it takes to figure out what, exactly, we want."
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The occasion was marked by a parade through Kensington, as county maintenance workers raised cherry-pickers and removed the offending shoes along the parade route. Why declare a Day of Freedom for these abandoned shoes? “This is a tight budget environment,” explained Luke R., county spokesm
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Presidential hopeful Michelle Bachmann has signed a pledge that if elected, she will "make sure all the fun is sucked out of Americans' lives forever." Among other points, the pledge states that Bachmann will pretend to uphold the Constitution while also pretending the banana in her ear is a tele
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County Council members were split on whether to prohibit smoking at county playgrounds to protect children from secondhand smoke inhalation. Four members voted on either side of the issue, while another member, who otherwise might have broken the tie, was in the bathroom smoking a cigarette. To
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People who came from miles around to purchase a souvenir 2011 U.S. Open Golf Tournament hat won’t be disappointed. There are 14,000 hats for sale in the U.S. Open Souvenir Pavilion at Congressional Country Club, according to Wesley Compton, pavilion manager. The pavilion is the length of a footb
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Dear Editors: I'm much too busy and successful to care what's in a smugtini. It's vodka and it's chilled and I want to see what the t-shirt looks like before I accept it. Thankfully we will be having Smut-tinis later which involve my husband submersing his sausage and peppers in ve
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The Walter Reed National Military Medical Center has announced that the addition of 2,500 new employees due to BRAC (Base Realignment and Closure) will result in a reduced ratio of available parking spaces on campus. Before BRAC, there was one parking space for every two employees, now there will
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“Now I can go back to not paying any attention to my surroundings at all!” said Kristin Y., ordering a latte at Pain Quotidien. “Don’t worry, be happy,” shouted Mark G., while crossing the street. “Did you say something?” He asked, pointing to his earbuds. “The main take-
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