Council Declares Countywide “Day of Freedom for Shoes Hanging From Power Lines”
The occasion was marked by a parade through Kensington, as county maintenance workers raised cherry-pickers and removed the offending shoes along the parade route.
Why declare a Day of Freedom for these abandoned shoes? “This is a tight budget environment,” explained Luke R., county spokesman. “Basically, this is all we could afford to do, so at least it looks like we’re doing something besides approving more high-rise condos. And if you throw in a parade, everyone’s happy.”
But why now, when some of these shoes have been hanging there for years, decades even? “What else is there to do in August?” said Luke.
“Shop for school supplies,” said Bethesda resident Mary S., as she watched a pair of high-tops fall to the ground.
“Leave Bethesda for the Outer Banks,” said her husband Brian, as he tried on the shoes.
The council spokesman became misty-eyed. “That pair there has been hanging on the power line since I was a boy.”
At that, his brother hit him over the head with his iPad and said, “You doofus, those are my shoes. You tossed them up there when I was eight.”
“Nuh-ah,” said Luke.
“Ya-hah,” said his brother.
Shoes that are in good condition will be donated to local soccer teams. Pairs of shoes that are in poor condition will be separated and left individually in random locations throughout the county, primarily in tall weeds by the side of the road, in anticipation of Collection Day for Mysteriously Single Shoes Left By the Side of the Road, currently projected for the year 2023.
