Council meets resistance over smoking ban on playgrounds, votes to ban children instead
County Council members were split on whether to prohibit smoking at county playgrounds to protect children from secondhand smoke inhalation. Four members voted on either side of the issue, while another member, who otherwise might have broken the tie, was in the bathroom smoking a cigarette.
Tobacco industry lobbyist, Stuart Snekoyl, insists that the true, hidden goal of anti-smoking legislation is to stop people from smoking. “It’s a sneaky thing to do, like when the Greeks built that wooden horse, if they’d built it in the shape of a child, and stuck a cigarette in its mouth—It’s just like that,” he said.
One unidentified council member insisted this was a misinterpretation of the County’s goals. “We just don’t like the smell on our clothes,” she said.
“How dare they interfere with an American’s God-given freedom to do stupid shit that impacts other people?” protested Snekoyl. “Our entire history is based on the freedom to do stupid shit and not care about the consequences.”
After several hours of debate, a compromise was reached. Instead of banning smoking, the Council has voted to ban children from county playgrounds.
“Problem solved!” said the missing council member when he returned from the restroom.
What about kids being able to play outside? BWN wondered.
“These are not easy decisions,” one council member lamented. “You have to weigh one person’s freedom to smoke against another one’s freedom to not smoke. Who wins? Luckily, kids are resilient. But in the case where a child has trouble adjusting, where maybe playing outside in the fresh air has become habit-forming for that child, well, that’s something we need to look at. Intervention may be required.”
In anticipation of this issue, the Council has formed a task force to study the problem of children who feel compelled to play outside.
Next up: A proposal to ban office workers from lingering at the entrance to a building during the work day, if they are not smoking.
