Landmark Theater Hosts One-Millionth Smug Elitist
The Landmark movie theater on Woodmont Avenue welcomed its millionth visitor last night. George F. was to receive a discount on his ticket, and a free copy of the book, Blink by Malcolm Gladwell.
“I was really surprised,” said George. “Those tickets are expensive, and I got mine for only $14!”
However, theater owners quickly revoked the honor when George was unable to explain the plot of Synecdoche New York. He also later admitted that he had not yet seen the film Milk, because he wasn’t interested in a film about “those kinds of people.” Landmark’s management repossessed his ticket, gave him his money back, and sent him packing to the Regal Cinema on Wisconsin Avenue. An usher told BWN that management was tipped off to George’s inappropriateness when they learned he came from Bowie, Md.
“He was wearing Hush Puppies,” the unnamed employee said. “So they told him they had to check his driver’s license in order to issue the award.”
But George didn’t leave empty-handed. “We called ahead and reserved him a seat at the 9:40 show of Hot Tub Time Machine,” said Landmark’s manager, Dirk N.
The one-millionth patron award went instead to Francis B., a researcher at Brookings Institution who founded a nonprofit to promote malaria prevention in Tanzania.
Francis bought a ticket to see The Young Victoria. Francis’ character references called her, “a stimulating dining companion,” and “the kind of person who will make a difference.” Her husband, who did not stay for the film, called her “a real brainiac.”
