Archaeologists are calling it “a breakthrough of historic proportions.” A fossilized bone found in Bruce Variety is part of the spine of the anklosaur, a rare specimen dating back to the Cretaceous Era.
Acting on a tip, the archaeologists asked a cashier if it was true that the store carried
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After years of fielding complaints that the Gifted and Talented label is unfair and discriminatory in singling out students who are a lot smarter than other students, the county has decided to eliminate the classification.
Some parents contend that students who were only Sort of Smart were being
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When asked why he wrote himself a ticket, Parking Enforcement Officer Carl H. explained, "No one is above the rules. Not even---Wait, that's MY car?"
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Pentagon officials launched an investigation after finding that hundreds of Bethesda pedestrians cross against the light, jaywalk, and ignore oncoming traffic whenever and wherever they please.
“According to our surveillance, there is absolutely no fear of mortality among citizens in the Bethes
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The situation currently unfolding at Risa Nails is touch and go. Salon regular Meryl N.’s usual calm broke down today when the salon seemed unable to find her regular nail polish color, a shade of puce called “Make Me Up Before You Go-Go.”
“At first, she was only a little agitated,” s
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Why Bethesda World News?
Why another publication about a place that already gets enough attention? Because it is, truthfully, the best dang place in the country. We know you’ll like it here, too. Assuming, that is, you want to buy stuff, you have smart kids, and you’re not too fat. And for goodness sake, don’t let me see you wearing those sweat pants around here again. Anyway, we welcome you with open arms. Oh, and don’t forget to bring cash. And quarters, bring lots of quarters.
Whitman High School’s newspaper, Black & White, gives BWN a shout!
While hundreds of Bethesda residents are filing into mile-long lines for three-dollar cupcakes, fighting mercilessly over tiny parking spaces and relishing time spent buying organic groceries in Whole Foods, Paula Whyman, founder of Bethesda World News, tries to find the humor behind the whole situation.
Thanks to the area’s
Newest UnAward-Winning Humor Magazine
the BCC Lumberjack
for the Linky-Love.
They claim BWN is their inspiration. Other people who say this about us include Newt Gingrich’s hairdresser, Herman Cain’s PR department, and the entire corn dog manufacturing industry. We could hardly be more pleased.
New: MONTGOMERY COUNTY GOVERNMENT Cites
It’s Restaurant Week in Bethesda! That means 11 out of the 2,375 restaurants in Bethesda are offering Special Menus to appeal to customers. We would have called it, “A Handful-of-Old-Hat-Restaurants-Feeling-Threatened-By-New-Competition-Would-Like-to-Remind-You-They-Exist-By-Offering-Discount
04.13.2011 | Business | Editor
I'm much too busy and successful to care what's in a smugtini. It's vodka and it's chilled and I want to see what the t-shirt looks like before I accept it.
Thankfully we will be having Smut-tinis later which involve my husband submersing his sausage and peppers in ve
04.4.2011 | Culture | Editor
After learning that a local denim store provides beer to shoppers (Bethesda Gazette, 3/30/11), nearby businesses decided to cash in on the trend. Equator Fitness now offers pre-workout Ritalin and post-workout Oxycontin to members. Boring Noble Books provides Xanax for those shopping in the busi
04.4.2011 | Business | Editor
The Walter Reed National Military Medical Center has announced that the addition of 2,500 new employees due to BRAC (Base Realignment and Closure) will result in a reduced ratio of available parking spaces on campus. Before BRAC, there was one parking space for every two employees, now there will
03.28.2011 | Culture | Editor
“Now I can go back to not paying any attention to my surroundings at all!” said Kristin Y., ordering a latte at Pain Quotidien.
“Don’t worry, be happy,” shouted Mark G., while crossing the street. “Did you say something?” He asked, pointing to his earbuds.
“The main take-
03.24.2011 | Culture | Editor
Please, no pink pants off the golf course.
Special note on lobster belt: Permitted only if you can find a place to catch fresh lobsters near Bethesda. The tank at Giant Foods does not count.
03.7.2011 | Culture | Editor
"Tree limbs will no longer interfere with the power lines," said Pepco spokesman Greg T. "What? Isn't that what you wanted?"
03.3.2011 | Culture | Editor
Last month, Bethesda World News asked readers to nominate the Most Amazing Local Teenager. Your letters poured in! The Editors read every single letter, and some of them had nothing to do with persuading us to buy prescription drugs from overseas sellers. We held a meeting, and
02.23.2011 | Culture | Editor
by Paula Whyman & Carolyn Parkhurst
According to the latest data, Bethesda is seeing a dramatic increase in the number of children in the area. Whereas on the national level, the average family includes 1.8 children, in Bethesda, the average is 3.475. This points to a growing trend, says
02.18.2011 | Culture | Editor
“It’s only logical for me to have the last piece of sushi,” said Colby. “I’m the most capable with chopsticks.”
“That’s elitist,” said Tarnoff. “Am I out of the running just because I never learned to use chopsticks? High level skills should not be a prerequisite for acces
02.14.2011 | Education | Editor
With a high of 48 degrees, and no snow in sight, area residents prepared for the worst.
“I’ve got a new bag of salt and a shovel. My plan is to stand around and wait until the forecast changes,” said Ralph Gwertzman.
His daughter Taylor, wearing a new snowsuit, sat on her sled in
02.8.2011 | Culture | Editor
Tired of taking the blame for Pepco's outage troubles, local trees threaten to take matters into their own hands. "Don't mess with us," says unnamed tree spokesman. "We're bigger than you. And some of us are rotten to the core."
02.1.2011 | Business | Editor
Pepco spokesman Earl K. stated that, "New Pepco workers are now in place, and they've agreed to work for no pay as long as we keep them on ice. We have to be patient, they are still getting up to speed. In fact, they're not moving at all, except to melt a little when the sun comes out. But we exp
01.28.2011 | Business | Editor
Alexandra C. was shocked to find a recyclable plastic water bottle in neighbor Todd and Tori H.’s regular trash can.
“This is the first time my trash-snooping has turned up anything,” said Alexandra. “But I knew that if I kept at it, I would find some dirt.”
What made her suspect tha
01.11.2011 | Culture | Editor
School administrators cheered the Council’s decision to keep the police officers in school, forever.
Following the decision, the officers were humanely immobilized and encased in amber. They will be distributed throughout area high schools, where they will be placed in strategic locations at
01.5.2011 | Education | Editor