Shocked Customers Learn Whole Foods to Stock Organic Products
Bethesda is reeling today with the news that Whole Foods plans to stock genuine organic products. One shopper at the River Road store told BWN: “We’re used to the fake organics. Real organics will just confuse us. I mean, I used to think everything here was organic.” She looked around nervously. “Then I accidentally stopped into a MOM store in Rockville, of all places, and I noticed they had Actual Organic Produce in the bins and organic products on the shelves. It was a revelation: An organic grocery store that sold organic food. Please don’t use my name,” she added, as she proceeded to the fish counter to order farmed salmon.
Whole Foods shopper Natasha W. explained, “I want the cleverly named, deceptively Amish-style packaging, the insane pricing. You put it on the shelf eye-high, and I’m buying it, baby.”
Natasha’s husband Gordon added, “Do I look like some kind of hippie dude, shopping at the Bethesda Co-op in my authenticated Baja hemp pullover? If they stock actual organics here, I’m switching to Balducci’s.”
Whole Foods management asked that customers tolerate the changes for now and take a wait-and-see approach. Said administrator Marc S., “We’re confident that, in the end, shoppers won’t know the difference.”
