Snowflake Paralyzes Metro Area!
A single snowflake was seen landing on Wisconsin Avenue today at approximately 11:25 a.m., in the center lane across from Starbucks. Traffic predictably came to a complete halt. A four-car pile-up occurred a mile away on Bradley Blvd., when drivers heard about the snowflake on the radio.
Two miles in the other direction, staff at Giant Foods reported a shortage of milk and bread, as area residents raced in to stock up for the long haul.
Meanwhile, county schools closed early in anticipation of slippery conditions resulting from the snowflake.
Meteorologists expect the flake to stick to the roadway and wreak havoc with the evening commute. Stay tuned to your local broadcasts for complete and up-to-date alarmist reports.