US Open Souvenir Sales Boom, Planners Consider Adding Actual Golf Tournament
People who came from miles around to purchase a souvenir 2011 U.S. Open Golf Tournament hat won’t be disappointed. There are 14,000 hats for sale in the U.S. Open Souvenir Pavilion at Congressional Country Club, according to Wesley Compton, pavilion manager. The pavilion is the length of a football field and includes 52 cash registers that Compton expects will perform 100,000 transactions by Sunday. Hats are $44.95 each. The most expensive item is a coveted black velvet painting of dogs playing golf, priced at $1,749.
“I told the organizers, I have an idea,” said Compton. “While everyone’s here buying stuff, why not have some of the best golfers in the country come out and play a tournament?”
“Interesting. Do you think people will watch?” asked BWN.
“I don’t know,” said Lon Reilly, the event organizer and primary sponsor. “It seems kind of beside the point. We’d have to sex it up. Like have a bunch of great-looking men and hot women in skimpy golf attire compete with each other.”
“Golf battle of the sexes,” said Compton. “With clandestine meetings in the rough.”
“Exactly,” said Reilly. “And the best male and female players get engaged at the end.”
“We could charge a lot more for the hats,” said Compton.
Meanwhile, in the souvenir pavilion, some of the top names in golf manned the cash registers. At least, that’s what we were told. None of them looked familiar. There was a rumor that sometime over the weekend, the players might actually go out on the course and play, but for now they were needed in the pavilion. BWN asked shopper Margaret L. which player she most hoped to encounter at the U.S. Open.
“Um, I’ve only heard of Tiger Woods,” said Margaret.
We pointed out that Woods is not participating, but we would run his photo with this article, because then people would read it.
Margaret said, “I just want a hat to prove I was here,” and then disappeared behind a towel display.
BWN asked Compton, “If you don’t actually see golf being played, were you here?”
“It’s like an air shot,” Compton replied, gazing up and squinting at the sun from under his Official U.S. Open visor. “It’s a miss, but it still counts.”
“That’s very deep,” said BWN.